Friday, October 21, 2011


Today was not too bad of a day, considering it was the start of yet another week in the seventh circle of fiery pastry hell. While I went through the usual internal monologue questioning why I should even go in this morning, I managed to make it there. It is as if my mind has no control over my body and while my thoughts are saying, "Will they even notice if I don't show up?," "I'm just going to de-seeding strawberries anyway," "If I'm planning on quitting early why not now?," "I wonder if they'd believe I'm deathly ill, or maybe I could fall down the stairs..." my body is saying, "Left. Left. Left. Right. Left." Damn you feet!

Sure I may have done the usual of not all that much, (including peeling half a box of clementines, and let me tell you those buggers are formidable!) but really I was in a very good mood all day today. I think it has a lot to do with taking my own wise advice. Who'da thunk? So I am officially going to duck out of my internship early. I'm not learning much of anything except the most efficient way to peel the orange's younger, smaller, pain in the ass cousin. But the truth is that I can learn that in a kitchen in the states. So why am I wasting these precious few moments I have here getting into fights with saran wrap and burning off my skin with fruit acid? Whether or not I'm going to look for another internship is up in the air at this point. I have some other, more exciting plans that I think will be much worth my while.

Here I am in Ol' Pairee and I know that the city itself has a ton of culinary education to offer. So instead of being stuck in one kitchen where I get stuck with the fuzzy end of the lollipop, why not go around and explore, taste, learn, suck on the shiny sweet end of the lollipop for a change?! So much of what I have learned at my patisserie has really just been about different new pastries, and all that I could've learned just from buying the stuff. I don't even get to taste it, unless I sneak a piece here, or there! So I am definitely considering foregoing a second, potentially equally disappointing, internship for a personal education of the mouth.

I also want to take in all the other one of a kind things that Paris has tucked away up her sleeves. I may be living here but I'm not really living here. It's more sleeping and complaining than anything else. I'm so exhausted, emotionally, physically, and mentally from my internship that I never feel like doing the things everyone comes to Paris to do. I want to explore. I want to get to know a few of the "best" arrondissements really well. I want to be able to come back one day and have other people actually believe that I lived here for a short while.

The sight of freedom on the horizon certainly lifted my spirits and even when Alberique was his usual dick self, it didn't bother me like it normally would. I just thought to myself, "Oh you are sooo going to miss me come holiday season," and continued wrapping the buche de noel for when that not so cheery time comes to the kitchen. Apparently it's absolute hell and involves lots of working, lots of stress, and lots and lots of yelling. I think I'll pass, thank you very much. I'd much rather spend my first (and most likely only) Christmas in Paris taking in the festivities, drinking hot totties, eating chestnuts, and putting tonka bean shavings in my eggnog.

Happy songs of freedom and self-discovery hummed through my head and I suddenly realized something else. I don't want to wait much longer to enjoy myself while I'm here but I also don't want to wait much longer to open my own shop either once I return either. I'm tired of working for other people. I keep telling myself that I'm not ready, that I don't know enough, that it could turn out to be a horrible failure and I need to prepare more. But the truth is I don't think I'm ever going to feel ready, or prepared, or that I know enough. And yet all I do is make list after list of what I want in my shop and I know how to make all of these things already. If I continue to work in other shops these lists are just going to grow and grow and grow and as much as American's love to eat they can't possibly eat that much.

So today as I was de-molding chocolate heart cakes, I was talking to myself in my head about how I think I could, potentially, be ready to do this. I just need some time to figure out my recipes that I will open with. I need to figure out what things I really need as far as mixers, processors, tempering machines, and ovens go. And if after all that it seems financially feasible to open up shop, then get ready cause here I come!

I'm trying to do what I love and thus far, my internship just isn't cutting it. And if going around Paris and eating like a diabetic on their deathbed is, then why not do it? It's not just me being fat, it's research! And then I can let all of you in on the secrets I know and tell anyone who comes to Paris where I think the best croissant is, the best lemon tart, the best cheap cafe. I'll actually be informative instead of just entertaining and hilarious!


Mike / French Guiana / Intern? was fired last Monday. The previous day he had messed up an entire batch of macaron shells which ended up being tossed in the trash. My boss walked in on Cecilia and I gossiping before I could get the rest of the story, but now he, too, has bitten the dust. I hope it was as tasty as our raspberry tarts!



  1. I think this sounds like sound thinking and I am rooting for you!! Don't let the bastards get you down BUT don't let them hog your Paris experience either. If they aren't going to appreciate you, use your considerable talents to their best advantage and on top of it psychologically terrorize you - move on!!! You have learned everything there is to learn from that toxic crew/brew. Sign this as from Mimi - who can't figure out how to get past Unknown (Google) in posting.

  2. I did it!! so proud of myself !!

  3. Well, you know I for one am extremely excited about trying what you think are the best croissant in Paris, since I already think yours are the best I have ever tasted even with sub-par ingredients. Croissant baby here I come!